12.20

I believe & I doubt (God & Matthew)

Mark 9:23-24

23 Jesus said to him, “If you are able! All things can be done for the one who believes.” 
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

I inhale, “I believe,” exhale, “help my unbelief.” Each day within the walls of the hospital I learn about this manner of faithfulness. When I hear Jesus say, “All things can be done for the one who believes,” I am tempted to hear what many (myself included) still demand of God: “I will cure each illness and grant every request.” When I listen more deeply, I hear, “I am present with you and united we can endure - even this unbearable grief.” Jesus honors the honesty of what faith sounds like through tears: “I believe; help my unbelief.” In this dynamic place of certainty and doubt I join a dedicated team to care for others, attempting to embody Christ’s presence. We echo the authentic faith heard in the cry of this father with a demon possessed child. As these words ring in my heart, I feel Jesus take my hand and raise me up, somehow able to cope with the uncertainties of being human with a body not fully in my control. As we wait for Christ to come to our aid may we pray in the same breath, “I believe; help my unbelief,” together anticipating the touch of Jesus.

—Matthew Greg